Judging is tomorrow!
My project judging is tomorrow. We are the last team to present. I don’t know if that’ll be a good or a bad thing but either way, I’m nervous and at the same time, I can’t wait for this to be over for good. For 6 months, I’ve felt more stress than I’ve ever known my whole life. To know that the end is near is such a huge relief for me. Lemme just say it for the record: major project was not fun. It was tough, mundane and it stretched me thin and pushed me to my limits. Simply put, I hated it. There was nothing memorable about it. Admittedly, I’ve learned a lot in the last few months but the real question still holds. Will I put what I’ve learned to practice after graduation? Chances are I won’t.
That said, I need to put in a lot of practice this final sprint. Already I’ve screwed a quiz badly. I can’t afford to skip another lecture from this point onwards.
I cannot wait for the weekends to arrive. Dinner plans have already been made with some friends. It’s been quite some time since I sat down and had a good laugh over dinner with… well, people in general. So I’m really looking forward to it.
A heart man
I could promise to hold you and to cherish. I could promise to be there in sickness and in health. I could say till death do us apart, but I won’t. Those vows are for optimistic couples. The ones full of hope. And I do not stand here on my wedding day optimistic or full of hope. I’m not optimistic, I’m not hopeful. I am sure. I am steady. And I know that I’m a heart man. I take them apart, put them back together, I hold them in my hands. I am a heart man. So this, I am sure: you’re my partner, my lover, my best friend… my heart beats for you and on this day, the day of our wedding, I promise you this. I promise you to lay my heart in the palm of your hand. I promise you… me.
Preston Burke, Grey’s Anatomy
Beautiful wedding vow but it is also one of the most heartbreaking scenes that followed after. Check the video.
Chick flick movies are da bombz
I had planned to go to Orchard for night shooting yesterday but that didn’t go through because I was feeling lazy and wasn’t feeling up to being a part of the crowd. So I ended up instead watching The Perfect Man and Raise Your Voice. You know, the movies that Hilary Duff starred in. Funny how I used to dislike her when I was in secondary school thinking that she was just another Disney actress whose fame will die out in a matter of time but now, I know she’s not just that. I’ve said this before in my blog and I’ll say it again – I dig chick flick movies! They make me happy and all giggly and I’d much rather be watching them than movies that makes me all teary-eyed by the time the credits roll.
Anyway, I’m going out to Little India in about 30 minutes time. If I’m not tired by the time the shoot ends, I’ll be heading to Orchard at night. I have the routes already planned out to take but I doubt I’ll be using them much, if at all. I’m the kind of person who has the plan in his head but I don’t necessarily follow them. I like deviating away from proutes and going to wherever my feet takes me to. It makes travelling and photowalking a lot more fun.
That said, I’ve finally uploaded the street shots I took of Orchard last week on Flickr. It was my first time shooting on the streets and it was terrifying to say the least. I was afraid people weren’t going to respond well to having a DSLR pointing right at their faces but most of them didn’t seem to mind. The few who did notice just smiled. Do I want to go back for more again? Definitely. I’m most alive when I’m on the streets.
I’m going off now. Will probably be back quite late. Hopefully, it doesn’t rain at Little India!
Just another update…
I don’t mean to, but sometimes I tend to eavesdrop on conversations I shouldn’t be listening to in the first place. Today, while on the bus, I sat right across a couple in their late twenties. They were talking about marriage and their expectations of it. It was all sweet and lovely until the guy decided to express his expectations of his partner. He expected her to be – and there really isn’t a better way of saying this – his personal maid and to chuck babies out of her vajayjay. It’s fine though if she agrees to it; after all, it’s her choice. But had it been me in her shoes, at that exact moment, I’d have been pissed and called off all plans to marry. I don’t want to be judgmental on this because everyone has a different set of values and customs they believe in. But it still kind of throws me off into a shock that people still keep to the old custom and values that should have long been forgotten.
As I mentioned previously, I’ve been under tremendous stress due to school, but I’m coping. Project judging is about two weeks away. I’m afraid of it but at the same time, I can’t wait for it to be over. Once it is done, it could only mean a huge burden off my chest.
There’s only a couple more months left before graduation. It’s quite frightening actually to be in the last semester of school when your whole life has been pretty much about… well, school. There’s a lot about the future I’m still uncertain of but I’m not worried. I have time. In fact, I have two years. There’s the army to clear. Two years is enough for me to think things through.
Having all that said, I know I haven’t been blogging faithfully like I promised. School has left me with little time and energy. By the time I get home, the only thing that hangs above my head is sleep. But the real reason for the lack of updates is because I don’t know if I should even keep a blog anymore. Each time I feel that spark of inspiration to update, it disappears in the next minute just as quickly as it came. And I lose that momentum to write.
I don’t know if I can promise frequent updates but I can promise I’ll make an effort to update when I can.
And now, I think it’s time for me to slip into a happy oblivion.
Stressed out!
I’m feeling stressed. It’s not just lately either. It’s been going on for quite some time now. I’m mentally tired and there is this voice in my head that’s telling me to give up entirely on my project and hand it in as it is now. But I know giving up is not an option. It never was right from the beginning. I so badly want my grade; I know I tell myself, time and again, that grades aren’t the most important thing in life and that happiness is what I should strive for. But school is what I know best. It’s what I am good at.
It doesn’t help either knowing that my partner has finished his part of the project and is let off the hook for now at least, and I’m not. That’s just demoralizing on a whole new level and it’s killing what little motivation I’ve left in me.
But like I said, and this hasn’t changed, I’m not a quitter. I’m the exact opposite.
It’s hard to feel happy these days. But there are times when I do experience true bliss and that’s when I find myself immersed in reading a good novel or going out with my camera in hand. They are my happy pills.
Post-Laos entry!
Long overdue post, but I am back in Singapore. I have been so since last week actually. But have delayed posting an entry because I didn’t feel inspired. Don’t get me wrong though. Laos was mindblowingly amazing, and I have plenty to say about my trip. I’ve made so many friends on the trip; friends whom at first didn’t get how I tick as a person but who made an effort to get to know me. And I like that in a person.
Earlier before the trip, I mentioned that I would most likely miss waking up to my coffee machine. Well, guess what? I didn’t miss it at all because here in Laos, it is coffee paradise. I’m spoilt for choices. I never thought I’d say this but the coffee in Laos was a million times better than the ones served in Starbucks and Coffee Beans put together. It’s definitely one of the many places to be at if you’re a coffee addict. Forget about romance or falling in love; I’m married to coffee indefinitely.
Minus the unpleasant things that happened during the trip, it was, as a whole, a humbling experience that I take with me to my grave. I went to Laos with little to no expectations of the place and left it feeling like I’ve been enriched with new friends and a clearer understanding of my place in the world. Laos isn’t a bad place to be at. Fine, the streets were dirt-ridden but that makes me appreciate even more the people who keeps the streets in Singapore clean. What I admired most was its people. Very friendly, warm and hospitable. They weren’t shy to smile for the camera. It’s unlike what you see in Singapore. Most of them would gladly allow you to take a photo of them. And there wasn’t any beggars in sight in Vientiane. Or maybe I was lucky enough to escape that. But what I saw was everyone had their own jobs; they were willing to work their ass off, and that’s something I find very charming.
We went to temples and parks. And believe me when I say this, the temples’ architecture was breathtaking. The park’s view from the top of the monument was amazing – though I can’t say the same for the part where we had to climb up flights of stairs to get to the top in that burning furnace.
One of my best memories of Laos has to be the farewell dinner. It was a night of food and dance to traditional Laotian songs. For a lot of us, it was traditional Laos dance with a modern touch to it. We were tired by the end of the sixth song and thought they should just put out our misery but they had another four more songs to go. When it ended though, I felt a wave of relief. My legs were now tired and sore but I had a hell lots of fun.
My next best memory has to be the game of tug of war. It makes me wonder.. do Laos people eat iron for three meals a day? The TP tug of war team was brutally slaughtered. It was a friendly match, but we were still butchered like meat. It was fun though and towards the end, we cheered for the Laos team and they cheered us back. It felt very good.
My last memory (though not my best ones) has to be the day when there was a power outage in the hotel and the areas surrounding it. It was just pitch black outside. We all gathered at the commons and sat down playing cards late into the night and when the powers were back on, we stayed for a little longer before going back to bed. It was then that I bonded well with a few people on the team.
I also mentioned in my previous entry that I saw something which triggered memories of my late mother. It was an old rusty sewing machine. I doubt it even worked but it was something my mum would love to have. I even got close to buying it because at the time, I forgot she was dead. That she was still alive talking to my dad at the dinner table like they always do every night. I was about to make the purchase when reality hit me. I didn’t feel so good after that on the way back to the hotel, and I snapped at a few people without meaning to.
Will I go back to Laos? Most probably.
But I doubt anytime soon. The world’s a big place. There are so many more places I’ve yet to explore and I want to do that before revisiting Laos again.
Memory trigger
I was in the streets of Laos when I saw something that reminded me of my mum. And I am back to square 1. I am not over her, and I dont know how to exist in a world without her.
Off to Laos
I feel betrayed. I trusted in you things I never would with anyone else and you took that for granted. You thought it’d be okay to tell your other best friend what I told you. Well, guess what? It’s not okay in my book.
Frankly, I thought I’d be immune when things like these happen to me by now. I’ve had them happen to me a lot of times before and I moved on very quickly. But with you, it’s taking forever. And I think I know the reason why.
Anyway, it’s just 4 hours more before I depart for Laos. My luggage are ready and my passport is set on the table. I really do hope the trip cheers me up because I really am in need of one.
If there’s one thing that I’ll miss waking up to, it’ll be the coffee machine.
Mmhm.
Gonna catch some sleep while I can! I’ll try to update when I can while I’m there since Todd is bringing his laptop. Hopefully, the internet access over in Laos is decent enough.
Goodnight world!
